August 9, 2017 by Petrea
Wilma Wednesday: HiFido
“WHAT THE POOP IS THAT? BAD SOUND! BAD! BAD!”
“What’s up, Wilma?”
She hushes. We listen together. Tiny squeals emanate from the front of the house.
It sounds like John’s got small children in his office.
Wilma leaps to her feet and charges down the hall, shouting, “GET OUTTA HERE, YOU SCAB-KNEED URCHIN!”
I run after her, not quite achieving a whisper. “Quiet, John’s working.” But she’s already in his office.
“It’s okay,” says John. “C’mere, Wilma. I’ll show you.”
John’s editing audio for a spot he’s producing. He clicks a key on his keyboard and the speakers giggle and squeal. Wilma stares at the computer, transfixed.
“The box is not children,” she says. “Is it a bird?”
“It’s a machine, sweetie,” says John. “I can tell it to make different kinds of noises.” He touches a key and we hear music.
“That is weird,” says Wilma. She shakes herself—head, shoulders, and body—in what we have come to call the flabbedy. “I will go outside,” she says, and she does. Going outside is her solution to things that discombobulate her, like computer speakers, mailmen, and squirrels.
It’s a good thing John wasn’t editing squirrel sounds. Our equipment isn’t insured for that.